the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
