the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize