Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
