Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Drake has all the answers
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
