I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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