Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
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The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
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My legs feel like baby dolphins
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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