So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
