Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
