u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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