yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
