So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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