Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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