I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
