i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
