you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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