Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
