Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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