I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
