He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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