Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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