Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
