Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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