the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just had sex on a roof
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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