is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
