What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
