you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
