Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
