Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
