Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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