He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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