Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
