I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
