what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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