Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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