Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
