I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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