I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
