i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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