cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
So squirting runs in the family.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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