I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
