i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Reggie can tackle my bush.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
