I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
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I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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