I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
