what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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