she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
