what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
