I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
