I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
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