There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
