You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize
