You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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