Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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