If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Randomize
