Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
