just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
