Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
