Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
