he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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