Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
