Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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