At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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