I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
