now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
