we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
