i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
