I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
