this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
