I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
