So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
it was like eating out sand paper
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
