im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
