I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Who put my cat in the fridge?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
