i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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