im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
