Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
