My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
