Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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