I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
