Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
