I forgot how hot balto sounded
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
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Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
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I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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