Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just forgot I was standing up.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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