I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
