i just identified you from a description of your pipe
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
