Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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