mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
